Self Doubt

Self doubt….it creeps up constantly. And a career change brings so many times where self doubt can feel overwhelming. Did I make the right choice? Am I going to be successful in my new career? Am I really twice the age of my internmates? Is that a sign I am doing this too late?

My story starts decades ago. I pursued career 1.0 because that is what you do. You get asked what you want to do from Kindergarten on, and not having an answer is far worse than proudly blurting out your life plan with confidence. I motored through high school, undergrad, and even through a doctorate with this same mentality.

I interned and then started my career, but as the years passed, I wanted to do my regular job less and less and my side projects (like a new website for the small business I worked for) more and more.

Then, 3 years ago, I made the leap to pursue a way to spend my whole day doing what I only could sneak small amounts of time for now. I started my new degree in Computer Science. And just like that a new world started. But so did the questions….

My career was set. I had a very steady income and had reached a comfortable level in my current field. Why was I throwing that away? Why was I starting over? Every tough school assignment and every tricky test had a tendency to make me question.

Well the answer became crystal clear this summer with one merge request during my summer internship. It was my first piece of code that would be merged into a customer facing product. And with the click of merge, any person who started a mortgage application on the Mint Android app and then decided to delete that application would now see a custom snackbar I created. Me. My message that your application has been successfully deleted would be displayed to them. And that’s when I realized something – if a single snackbar can bring me this much excitement, I can say with zero self doubt or hesitation that I cannot wait to see what more this career will provide.

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