Suicide is a challenging topic to discuss, but we know that connecting with others, even when difficult, can change the course of a friendship or a life. September is national suicide prevention month. Let’s remind ourselves how we can best support each other. If someone you care about has died by suicide, please know it is not your fault. This information is not here to make us second-guess past conversations. We are always learning better ways to navigate challenges. And we may not make the best decisions every time. We are human. Be gentle with yourself during this complicated time. Commit to a phrase or comment you can hold on to if needed.
You Are Not Responsible
If you learn that someone is considering self-harm or suicide, you do not have sole responsibility for this person. You can help them get support but don’t have to take it all on yourself. Reach out to a trained professional for help. I tell my kids that if they hear concerning talk from a friend, they need help from a grown-up – a school counselor, the friend’s parents, me, or a trusted coach. The grown-ups can take over and get the support needed. If there is an immediate concern, taking a person to the emergency room may be the best option.
What You Can Do
If you’re worried about someone, it is appropriate to ask if they are considering hurting themselves or ending their lives. Keep the conversation open and tell them you will listen to them. Warning signs might include a person openly talking about ending their lives, withdrawing or isolating, or talking about being a burden. Listening well, without judgment, will be essential to give the person time to share what they’re feeling. In your own words, you can appreciate the bravery it takes to share this and the trust they placed in you. You will not keep their suicidal thoughts a secret; you will help them find support. But you will not share this with people who do not need this information. You can help them commit to action. You will find a professional or grown-up to support or help your friend talk with someone.
Keep Them Safe
If you think your friend is in imminent danger, seek help at your local hospital. Lock away all firearms and pills. Help them connect to the resources they need to stay safe. See the resources below, and consider contacting medical professionals also to access help. Follow up with your friend and check in with them to see how they are feeling and handling the interventions. Being there throughout the process and showing your friend you will not leave when times are tough will demonstrate your care.
Care for Yourself
This is highly stressful for you as well. Lean on a community to support your friend so you do not feel solely responsible for their care. Do what you can to sleep well, exercise, and eat nurturing foods. Dr. Kristin Neff’s guided self-compassion practice: Self-compassion While Caregiving may offer a quick moment to ground yourself. The Child Mind Institute provides detailed suggestions on a range of specific topics that may be helpful, such as how to help a child after returning home from a psychiatric hospital visit or coping after a suicide. Information and plans like these may help you feel more prepared and at ease.
Resources
988 (call or text) or Chat online 24/7 for help (English, Spanish, ASL available)
AgriStress Helpline for Oregon – a free 24-hour, 7-days-a-week hotline designed for the agricultural community and their families in Oregon. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 833-897-2474.
Child Mind Institute – Suicide and Self Injury
Talking About Suicide with Friends (for ages 12+ guide)
Trevor Project – Suicide prevention for LGBTQIA+ (chat online 24/7), text 678-678, call 1-866-488-7386
By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.
Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.
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