Exhausted. Nervous. Cynical. Headaches. Sad. These symptoms persisted, and I began to realize this wasn’t me. I used to feel optimistic, light, and joyful. These emotions appeared after a profoundly stressful time at work, and I didn’t like who I was becoming. Sometimes, I knew exactly why: there were WAY too many things on my to-do list, and it felt unreasonable to accomplish it all, or people I worked with were navigating significant challenges that were more than I could support. Other times, I couldn’t pinpoint why I felt all this. Maybe it was compounded stress. Labeling these feelings “burnout” helped me realize that it wasn’t a failure on my part that I was struggling. There were systems at work against me or too many responsibilities/demands on me that were unsustainable. Instead of just throwing around the term “burnout,” I could find tools to unravel these feelings instead of band-aid options.
People in caregiving positions often hold on to the stress of those they work with. If you recognize yourself as having symptoms of burnout, you might want to explore these suggestions to head toward healing. It is possible that what you are feeling is depression. Working with a therapist can help you tease out the best support for you.
Maybe it’s rigged
Sometimes, articles about self-care and burnout put the responsibility of the solution on the person navigating the feelings. Burnout might be a clue that the systems aren’t working for you. The cultural pressure to be productive so much of the time, job expectations that seem impossible, and the gender pressure many women feel to manage parenting, house upkeep, career, health, and relationships effortlessly and flawlessly are all systemic problems, not personal. We can mitigate these expectations, advocate for a healthier society, and care for ourselves. We can prioritize our needs to support ourselves. Release the idea that we are failing. Maybe the system needs to shift.
Notice and Name
Slowing down to feel our feelings can help us tremendously. Identifying our feelings helps us realize that there is not something wrong with us and that there are pathways to move forward. We will not feel better if we push through and ignore our feelings. Mindfulness techniques help us pause and notice what we think. We may uncover some of the causes of our struggle. Through this awareness, we can address the root causes of our discomfort instead of trying to bubble bath it away. You may gain some clarity to help you move forward. Do you need to ask for more help with childcare? Leave a relationship? Change your job? Delegate some responsibilities? Lower your expectations for yourself?
Complete the Cycle
Sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski write about “the secret to unlocking the stress cycle” in their book Burnout. Historically, when humans faced a stressor, they often had a release after the stressful moment. If a hungry lion has spotted you, you run. Running helps you escape and helps your body process the flood of stress chemicals released by your body. Emily and Amelia suggest we don’t typically have releases in our modern stress cycles. We get a nasty email at work, mull it over, complain to a coworker, and go to the next meeting. We must “complete the cycle” and release the stress before it compounds. We can do this in many ways, but movement is an efficient answer. Hiking, dancing, jump roping, yoga, strength training, and tennis can all help release some of the stress that your body is holding. So can a good cry.
Create moments of joy
During stressful times, I seek out light. I watch comedies. I limit my exposure to the news. I read novels. Find ways to laugh. Laughter, especially with other people, helps our nervous systems calm and bonds us with others. Savor a sunset. Look at old photos of your kids. These moments will not change your circumstances, but they can infuse your day with a small break from your stress.
Simplify
There is much in this world that is out of our control. We can do our best to improve situations, but some things will take too long to change. We can stick to our work schedule, arriving and leaving at our set times and taking breaks. You could take a mental health day. The work will wait for you. Focusing on sleep, nutritious and convenient foods, water, and some movement can feel restorative. Can you cancel or delay some commitments to create space in your calendar?
Shanna B. Tiayan reflects on her reading of Burnout Immunity. “Burnout has a tendency to disconnect us from the things and people that are most important to us. Reconnecting with hobbies and habits that brought us joy prior to burnout, like art, gardening, or fishing, can be restorative and serve as a bridge to also reconnect with important people in our lives.Reimagine a post-burnout vision for your life, a vision motivated by optimism and hope that there is a better way forward.”
Be gentle and patient with yourself as you advocate for better conditions and prioritize your well-being.
Resources
Burnout by Amelia Nagoski, DMA and Emily Nagoski, PhD (and a workbook)
Burnout Immunity by Kandi Wiens
Managing Secondary Traumatic Stress blog post
Slow Productivity by Cal Newport
By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.
Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.
Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!
