You may have read the recent report from the Surgeon General about the alarming rates of rising parental stress. To most of us who are parents or who work with caregivers, this report was unsurprising but validating. Many of the issues parents face are systemic. We can work toward a society that cares better for families. But I wondered, what can we do to mitigate this stress and support each other in meaningful ways right now?
The statistics shared in the Surgeon General’s report are alarming because such a large population suffers. Mental health is not only problematic for those struggling but also for their families. “Research finds that children with a primary caregiver with poor mental health are twice as likely to have mental, behavioral or developmental concerns and four times more likely to have poor health.” Cara Goodwin, PhD, writes for KQED.
It’s Not You
Often, people find relief when they discover that others are feeling similarly. Caregivers who read this might feel connected and seen when they realize that they are not alone in these feelings. There are systems working against families that need to be changed. We cannot adjust these quickly enough, but pulling the curtain aside may help us understand that this is not our fault.
Create and Nurture Support Networks
Dr. Murthy writes, “[parental stress] can be mitigated by protective factors like social support networks and positive parenting behaviors as well.” We have opportunities to build these support networks in our classes. Time for caregivers to build trust and connection can help create new friend structures.
People may want to exchange contact info or find each other on social media. Our classes can become safe places for people to reach out and talk us through struggles. Remind everyone that this may be challenging, and people will help them. Lean on extended family, neighbors, colleagues, and friends. We will also have opportunities to support those people. Helping others can boost our positive feelings as well.
Get Creative About Self-Care
Suggesting to someone overwhelmed that they need to find time for themselves can backfire. It may elicit a stress response because they feel they don’t have time to accomplish all they need to do without adding bubble baths and manicures. If adding something else to the endless to-do list means less sleep or more stress, it may not be worth it. Dr. Cara Goodwin suggests finding moments of joy or peace while moving through our days. Going for a short walk after dinner or listening to nature sounds on your commute to work may feel comforting. Dan Harris discusses this on his podcast with Dr. Becky. He talks about mindfully washing dishes or changing diapers so that you can practice meditation even when you don’t have time for that.
You can’t tell from the outside how people are doing. And sometimes, I think, as parents, we assume that we’re the only ones struggling…But when you actually talk to parents, you find that a lot of us are going through the same things. If we can talk openly with one another about this, I believe that we can help find and build the kind of community that all of us need to do parenting well.
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, as interviewed by Steve Inskeep on NPR
Resources
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
Good Inside by Becky Kennedy, PhD
Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin, MD
‘Til Stress Do Us Part by Elizabeth Earnshaw
By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.
Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.
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