With graduation and the Capstone deadline fast approaching, I’ve been having a fair number of critical conversations reflecting on my Postbacc educational journey, career history, and what goals I have for my career path moving forward.
Imposter syndrome has weighed heavy on me the past few weeks along with a sense of frustration and insecurity about my own C++ deficiencies, and too much of my energy has been aimed at calming anxiety about what I deliver by the end of term and if that’s “enough”. These feelings, quite frankly, are a nonsense-no-good-waste-of-time, and I know that, but they still well up and require some attention to quash.
On the flipside, this project has been an exceptional experience filled with tremendous personal growth as I tap back into my C++ knowledge and dig deeper into practical applications of topics explored in prior terms. This has allowed me to develop closer connections with other members of the engineering team and I feel a sense of pride for and ownership of the work I’ve contributed to the Mahjong codebase.
The rollercoaster ride of feelings and experiences I’ve been reflecting on place before me some important questions:
- Do I really, truly want to be a software engineer?
- Am I prepared to be a Brainium Software Engineer? Can I contribute meaningfully and maximally to our team in this role?
- Is there a role that suits my skills, professional experience, and passions more appropriately?
- How will I be evaluated at Brainiun—both prior to any promotion to SWE and during my tenure working as a SWE?
- Will the work of a Software Engineer bring me joy?
Most of my answers to these questions are in a state of flux currently. For the longest time, I’ve been stubbornly working towards this goal with the idea that after a few years of getting some software engineering experience I could work towards engineering management. This is still a sensible route, but does it have to look like this? Should my path look like this? Is there a better or different way for me to forge my own trail?
After recently conversing with Brainium’s People Operations Manager about my advancement goals, my greatest takeaway was to not put myself into a box. Just because I’ve had this idea of “Chelsea Marie Hicks – Software Engineer” in my mind, doesn’t mean reality has to exactly match that vision and perhaps I should take a wider look at the view to see what other possibilities are presented. I’ve some soul searching to do and more questions than answers (honestly, that never seems to change).
