Month: November 2025

After completing the three assessments this week, I realized how much I’ve changed since my husband passed away nine years ago. The death of a spouse is considered the most stressful life event, and it completely shifted my perspective. Before then, I believed I had a low tolerance for stress and structured my life to avoid feeling overwhelmed. After losing him, I learned that most stressors simply don’t compare, and everyday stress no longer feels unmanageable. My score of 415 on the “My Life Stress Questionnaire” placed me at high risk for illness or accident due to stress, but that number doesn’t fully reflect the context of my life today.

Raising four kids as a single parent, managing a young child at home while sending another off to college, continuing to build a career I’m proud of, and getting engaged this past year have all brought significant change, but much of it has been positive. Even the difficult parts, like taking over financial and medical care for my mom as she faces Alzheimer’s, have reminded me how fortunate I am to be able to support her. Despite the many stressors in my life, I am genuinely the happiest I’ve been in years, and I don’t take that for granted.

The Coping & Stress Management Skills Test showed that I rely mostly on problem-focused strategies for coping. I tend to face stress directly by trying to solve what’s in front of me. While this approach works for practical challenges, I’ve also learned that not everything can be controlled. Grief, uncertainty, and life transitions sometimes require acceptance rather than action. In those moments, I’ve learned to lean on my widow community, who continues to be an important source of support.

The Type A Personality Test reassured me that although I may become impatient or frustrated when overwhelmed, I am “characterized by warmth and tolerance the majority of the time.” Prioritizing trusting relationships also reduces the health risks typically associated with Type A tendencies. Still, it reminded me to stay intentional about maintaining emotional and physical balance moving forward.

What Employers Are Doing to Support Employee Stress

Organizations are increasingly recognizing how significantly stress impacts employees. Many are expanding wellness initiatives and training managers to identify burnout and respond with empathy rather than discipline. Employees are also placing greater value on benefits such as flexible schedules, remote work opportunities, and additional paid time off. All these options are shown to improve work–life balance and reduce stress. According to “The Most Desirable Employee Benefits,” these offerings are often relatively low cost for employers, and workers are even willing to trade higher pay for them. Shifting toward treating employees as whole people and not just labor resources is becoming essential for performance, retention, and overall well-being.

Life Stress Questionnaire

Coping and Stress Management Skills Test https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/career/coping-stress-management-skills-test

Type A Personality Survey 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/type-personality-test

Jones, Kerry. The Most Desirable Employee Benefits. Harvard Business Review Digital Access. April 15, 2017, 2-6

My fiancé previously worked for a construction company founded and owned by an individual who held the title of CEO but operated largely as a passive investor. He was frequently away on vacation and minimally involved in day-to-day operations. The company’s success rested almost entirely on two key leaders: his brother, Adam, the Director of Construction, and my fiancé, John, the Senior Project Manager. Adam served as the primary estimator and secured nearly 90 percent of the company’s projects, while John managed and delivered most of those projects. Both were highly respected in their community, and their combined expertise was central to generating approximately $12 million in annual revenue.

A major contributor to the company’s strong performance was its incentive structure. The bonus program was substantial, often providing employees like John with year-end compensation equal to half their annual salary and sometimes matching it entirely in exceptional years. This system aligned employee effort with organizational success, motivating long hours, high standards, and an ownership mindset. Consistent with the principles outlined in “On the Folly of Rewarding A, While Hoping for B,” the company’s incentive system effectively rewarded the outcomes it desired. Under this model, the business grew steadily, maintained an excellent reputation, and benefited from enduring employee commitment.

This equilibrium collapsed when the largely uninvolved CEO reconsidered profit distribution. After more than two decades of benefiting from a business he did not actively manage, he decided he wanted a larger share of the returns. Determining that Adam was overcompensated, he reduced Adam’s salary despite his central role in securing work and sustaining revenue. The decision revealed a significant disconnect between leadership’s perception of value creation and the reality of who was driving the company’s success. As highlighted in “Most People Have No Idea Whether They’re Paid Fairly,” compensation is more than a number; it is an emotional signal of how valued employees feel by their employer. Feeling devalued and undermined, Adam left the company and John left with him.

The consequences were swift and severe. Within two years, the company experienced pronounced operational decline, laid off half its workforce, and lost the reputation for quality construction that had distinguished it in the region. The departure of these two pivotal leaders was far more than a staffing issue; it represented the loss of institutional knowledge, client confidence, and operational continuity. Without them, the business was unable to maintain its standards or secure comparable levels of work.

This situation illustrates that compensation is not simply an HR cost, it is a strategic mechanism for retaining the capability, trust, and motivation that underpin organizational performance. When leadership prioritizes short-term profits over equitable and well-designed incentive structures, the damage to employee trust and organizational capacity can destabilize the entire enterprise.

Kerr, S., (1977) Folly of Rewarding A While Hoping for B, Academy of Management Executive

Smith, D. (2015). Most people have no idea whether they’re paid fairly. Harvard Business Review

Reflecting on two very different onboarding experiences in my career, one nearly nonexistent and the other highly structured, helped me recognize just how critical managerial experience and clear guidance are to an employee’s success and engagement.

In my previous position, onboarding was essentially nonexistent. I was given tasks with little to no instruction, and when I asked questions, I was met with frustration and annoyance due to the interruption. Eventually, my manager restricted me to asking questions at only one meeting during the day, yet my work couldn’t continue without critical information. I was encouraged to take the initiative to troubleshoot my own problem-solving but then criticized when my solutions didn’t align with the “only correct” answer. Ultimately, the problem stemmed from my manager’s lack of experience in leadership combined with my lack of experience in the role. According to HBR’s “Your New Hires Won’t Succeed Unless You Onboard Them Properly,” the experience of managers plays a critical role in the adjustment of newly hired employees, noting that “supervisors can promote or inhibit newcomer adjustment through their supportive or obstructive behaviors.”

By contrast, in my current position, I was trained by a manager with extensive experience who provided clear instruction and consistent support during my transition. She encouraged questions, ensured that I understood my responsibilities, and helped me develop confidence and job clarity early on. Because of that strong foundation, I became self-sufficient much more quickly.

In my prior role, I was even expected to create standard operating procedures (SOPs) for tasks I didn’t yet understand. In my current role, those standardized steps were developed by management to support training and consistency. According to First, Break All the Rules, “Great managers know that it is their responsibility to ensure that their employees know these steps and can execute them perfectly.” That structured approach to training, combined with supportive leadership, made all the difference in how effective and beneficial the onboarding process was.

With the high cost of turnover, investing in effective onboarding and training is an important consideration for every company. These two contrasting experiences taught me that strong onboarding practices ultimately benefit both employees and organizations by building competence, confidence, and long-term success.

Ellis, A., Nifadkar, S., Bauer, T., and Erdogan, B. (2017). Your New Hires Won’t Succeed Unless You Onboard Them Properly. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles 

Buckingham, M. & Coffman, C. 2016. First, Break All the Rules: what the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently.