Quote for today

“One of the penalties of an ecological education is that one lives alone in a world of wounds. Much of the damage inflicted on land is quite invisible to laymen. An ecologist must either harden his shell and make believe that the consequences of science are none of his business, or he must be the doctor who sees the marks of death in a community that believes itself well and does not want to be told otherwise.”

Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac

There is a special place in hell for scammers

I was talking with my sister this weekend. She’s trying to sign up for Medicare. She takes some pretty important medications and is currently out while she waits for insurance to kick in under her new plan (from Medicaid to Medicare, Parts, A, B, D and God only knows what else… it’s so complicated).

So, she’s telling me about ‘swabbing her cheek and spitting in a tube’ for some lady on the phone….

Her: I’m really worried. I’m out of my meds and don’t want to end up in the hospital.

Me: Tell me what’s going on and how can I help?

Her: Well, I’m trying to swab my cheeks and spit in a tube for this lady from Medicare.

Me: What?! Are they asking you to take a DNA test. That doesn’t seem right. What else is she asking you for?

Her: I don’t know… (in broken words)… the box got wet and I ruined the test… so I need to retake. Do you know how I can get another box?

Mind you, this is my sister who refuses to get a physical. She lives in poverty in a dangerous part of her city, but takes the medicine she needs to stay out of the hospital.

Me: Do not do this. This has got to be a scam. Only your physician (who you refuse to see) would order a test like this.

Her: Uh. Ok.

Me: Did you give them any information?

Her: I don’t know….

Me: (to myself) UGH! Well, if she’s this hard to get health insurance information for me, maybe they weren’t successful.

Be safe out there. It’s a wicked world.

The Guitarist Laughs

There is but one guitarist singing the blues in the depth of my soul
My spirit has been crushed to dust
My heart, shattered and oozes salty tears

I am the tooth that aches in my mother’s bosom
The thorn in my father’s hand
My sisters mourn for me, my friends pity me

I have created a vacuum in myself
And it sucks the life from me.

I am being rolled up from inside out like a surgeon’s glove
Raw nerves are exposed and dancing like fireworks, yet
I bleed within the roll.
Gay, magenta drops drip down the fingers that grasps the knife which cut the umbilical cord between my heart and my mind

The two entities are now autonomous
and running from each other.
I am splitting.
I am cracked ice.
Melting, drowning in my own chasm of despair
No longer whole.
Only, a void.

Bettye L. Smith (Maddux): 5 September 1989

Dabbling with plants

Meet Bella

So, I have a ton of indoor plants. I’m trying to scale back. My most recent interest is trying to grow orchids. I had one very successful orchid for about 20 years. Unfortunately, last year it died.  I did my best to save it but it either got old or fungus gnats got to it, because its roots were in terrible shape.

So, most of my experience has been with ‘cost-effective’ Trader Joes Phalaenopsis. Having had some luck with them, I bought my first seedlings. this post is hopefully the start of a long relationship with “Bella”. So without further ado, here’s the baby plant. I’m really nervous. I want her to grow big and strong!

Letter to an old friend

Originally written –  circa 2002

I grew up in the Deep South where folks move slow and talk funny.  Louisiana was the place, where the weather was as hot and sticky as the crawfish bisque that dribbled down your chin.  Not knowing any better, I went to the local university. LSU. Home of the purple and gold fighting tigers, jungle juice parties and fruit flies to boot. Never will it all be anything.

I met a hardheaded woman there and we became fast friends. (In more ways than one, I s’pose). We hooked up with a couple of fellas from Nawlins who enlightened us on many things.  We were so green.  It was groovy man.  Turned out the guys liked others more like them. Ah well, we formed a pod, our little group of friends and study pals.

We didn’t sit around and get rusty listening to silence. We rode the Peace Train in the storm all the way to our Destiny and threw back bottles of brew ’til the morning broke.  We got a little bruised, but it made us stronger… strong as a rock, you might say. We imagined many things, but never doubted our friendship. That’s why we stand together and look at both sides now. We drank lots of coffee and buzzed through the Raygun years swatting newts with our papers.  Leder Hosen ja!  Rock on meine freund! I look forward to many more birthdays with you.

It’s been many years since college and me and my old friend have even graduated twice.  My friend succeeded in life and is busy healing no necks and dealing in the Girl Scout cookie trade.  Me?  Well, I’m still floating through life looking for my purpose. But, my friend never loses faith in me.

Times change and friends drift in and out of our lives, but she is the one constant in my little universe. When I was busy making memories in Texas and she in Illinois, it was almost like she was still with me. We both weathered some floods, then eventually took off for California.  That woman is so L.A., so Cosmopolitan, while I wiped out on the waves of life near Ventura Boulevard. I dabbled with criminals for a while – collecting the  evidence of their crimes, but that didn’t work out and now I’m free. I even found me a soul mate.  Good riddance to all those bad boys and  spiritually draining jobs.

We are still renegades, blossoming and growing as we age though not as green anymore. I still have not found what I’m looking for in life, except of course  for my soul mate which is all the purpose I need. Being with him is like walking on clouds every day. And that’s saying something these days with the old bones.

I’ll do okay as long as I have my friend to pick me up from time to time.

One of my favorite poems

The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“‘Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
“‘Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door—
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door;—
This it is and nothing more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
‘Tis the wind and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as “Nevermore.”

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—
Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”
Then the bird said “Nevermore.”

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of ‘Never—nevermore’.”

But the Raven still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,
But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
“Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite—respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—
On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—
Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—
“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!