As the end of this program nears and as graduation approaches after my next and last quarter here at Oregon State University, so does my old friend, imposter syndrome. Having reared its ugly head every night as I try to fall asleep, I find myself asking – am I good enough? Am I the programmer I believe myself to be, that my colleagues find myself to be, that my friends and family believe myself to be? Even after two years of classes, endless exams, projects, and searching through the depths of StackOverflow, am I really ready to be a “real” programmer?
These thoughts began circling about ever since the job hunt began. In my social circle, a few of my friends are on similar paths in that they are pursuing a post-baccalaureate, while others have opted to undergo the hell of bootcamps. Admittedly, watching friends transition careers while I am still taking classes has been frightening, to say the least. Three months ago, I was taking summer break off because my quarter life crisis was in maximum overdrive; in those same three months, a friend of mine had completed his bootcamp. He is now in the process of applying for software engineering jobs which has made reality set in for the rest of us.
Although we are all at different parts of the same marathon, the same fear lingers within all of us. Despite all of our training and education, we are all unsure of whether we will even make it into industry. No amount of leetcode, interview prep, and personal projects seems to make the difference. To those of us who are unfamiliar with industry standards and practice, coding interviews are nightmare fuel. What if I am unable to provide an answer in the technical interview? What if I am right in that by failing to land a job, I prove to myself that these past two years and degree have been for naught?
I was watching Dune last night with some friends, and a line from the movie really struck a chord with me and with the plight I had been facing and continue to face; “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will nothing. Only I will remain.” Upon hearing this quote, I understood that while life is full of seemingly impossible decisions, full of utterly frightening decisions to make, the onus is on us to remain infallible; to take the experiences for what they are, for what they provide, and to continue to grow as we have before, time and time again.
