{"id":462,"date":"2024-11-26T23:00:42","date_gmt":"2024-11-26T23:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/?p=462"},"modified":"2024-11-26T23:11:08","modified_gmt":"2024-11-26T23:11:08","slug":"helping-a-grieving-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/helping-a-grieving-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping a Grieving Child"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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espa\u00f1ol<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Special thanks to school counselor, Amber Paterson for sharing resources.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grief is part of the human experience. It feels cruel, especially so when we witness our children grieving. Supporting children through their grief may be extra challenging if we are struggling ourselves. There is no correct way to navigate all of the feelings your family is experiencing. Be gentle with yourself and use any advice that feels right for you. I am sending you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seek Support<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As you move through complicated feelings yourself and with your child, consider how you can lean on your village. People in your life want to support you but may not know the best way to offer it. Find a therapist or counselor for yourself and your children. You can ask your medical providers and schools for first steps. A friend can organize meals<\/a> in your community. Your friends or relatives can take your kids for some fun and space for yourself. Accept offers of help that feel supportive. You are not a burden. Your people want to help you through this time, just as you would like to help them when needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk with Our Children<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Much of how we support our family will depend on the age of our children,  the nature of the relationship, and the circumstances surrounding the death. Social worker and therapist Jenny Rivera Cruz <\/a>encourages us to use correct words, not euphemisms when talking with our children. We can say that Grandma died, but if we say she \u201cis with God\u201d or \u201cpassed on,\u201d children may be confused by this and misunderstand the finality. Talking with our children about their feelings and special memories will help them process their feelings and let them know they can open up to you. Jennifer Louie, PhD<\/a> suggests that we keep pictures of loved ones up so we can all feel connected. This models \u201cthat it\u2019s okay to talk about your loved one who died.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rituals and Routines<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many religions and cultures have special rituals at times of death and grieving. The community caring for the family and memorials can boost these transitional times. Depending on your family\u2019s belief system and the age of your children, they can participate in these time-honored rituals. They may have questions and be curious about this if it is new. Engage in discussions if you are able. If you anticipate being overcome or busy, enlist a trusted adult who can care for your child during this time. It may feel jarring that life keeps moving, but Jamie Howard, PhD<\/a>, says that \u201ckids will do much better when their routines remain in place.\u201d You may consider communicating with your child\u2019s school to enlist the school counselor and their teacher\u2019s help supporting your child at school. Coaches and other adults may benefit from knowing what your child is navigating so they can best support them as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stages of Grief<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A wide range of feelings might be experienced by someone grieving. We might expect sadness, denial, and anger. Many people also feel guilty, relieved, and regretful. People might feel all of these feelings, which might feel confusing. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about five stages of grief<\/a> in On Death and Dying<\/em><\/a>. <\/em>The stages<\/a> of denial, anger, bargaining (what if, if only), depression, and acceptance may be helpful to expect. If we are supporting someone bereaved, recognizing these stages can help us find tools to support them and remind us to expect their feelings. These reactions are appropriate responses. Older children might also benefit from learning about these stages so they know their feelings are typical. Jennifer Fischer writes<\/a>, \u201cWhile these stages should not be thought of as resolute \u2014 not everyone experiences these stages in the same way or in the same order, if at all \u2014 understanding them can help you make sense of the emotions you may be feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cEventually we find ourselves experiencing increased moments of joy and we make new connections while maintaining our love and connection with the person that passed away.\u201d – Jennifer Louie, PhD<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Web Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dougy Center<\/a> – Grief Support<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dougy Center<\/a> – Resources by age<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Books<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

For Children<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Kids Book About Death <\/em><\/a>by Taryn Schuelke<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Kids Book About Grief<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Brennan C. Wood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Invisible String<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Patrice Karst<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Rabbit Listened<\/em><\/a> <\/a>by Cori Doerrfeld<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Judith Viorst<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Terrible Thing Happened<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Margaret M. Holmes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Someone Very Special Dies<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Marge Heegaard<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Adults:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Aftergrief<\/em><\/a> by Hope Edelman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grief Day by Day<\/em><\/a> by Alan D. Wolfelt<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Wasn\u2019t Ready to Say Goodbye<\/em><\/a> by Brook Noel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On Grief and Grieving<\/em><\/a> by David Kessler, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and Maria Shriver<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn more about the\u00a0<\/em>Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative<\/em><\/a>\u00a0and read\u00a0<\/em>our blog<\/em><\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Read All Posts in English<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Special thanks to school counselor, Amber Paterson for sharing resources. Grief is part of the human experience. It feels cruel, especially so when we witness our children grieving. Supporting children through their grief may be extra challenging if we are struggling ourselves. 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