{"id":279,"date":"2023-06-07T19:06:55","date_gmt":"2023-06-07T19:06:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/?p=279"},"modified":"2024-12-09T22:39:16","modified_gmt":"2024-12-09T22:39:16","slug":"thriving-stepfamilies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/thriving-stepfamilies\/","title":{"rendered":"Thriving Stepfamilies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-16018d1d wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-beaver-orange-background-color has-background wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/familias-reconstituidas-prosperas\/\">espa\u00f1ol<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>by Megan McQueen<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A six-year-old I know defines family as \u201ca group of people who love each other.\u201d This simple and inclusive definition encompasses biological, adoptive, queer, \u201cchosen,\u201d stepfamilies, blended families, and more. Intentionally considering your family\u2019s unique members and origins can help you be thoughtful of the gentle steps you can take to build your loving family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Communication Building<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Strong family communication styles will be helpful in stepfamilies. Find ways to connect and play together. Stepparents may attend a child\u2019s sporting event, bake cookies, or go to a concert together. A child may wonder if this newer family may change the relationship with their parents. Keep special times together between child and parent. Anticipating fun times together may help show children that you value your connections with them. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.stepfamilies.info\/assets\/uploads\/2019\/10\/QS_Connect_with_Stepkids_D.pdf\">Jean A. McBride writes<\/a>, \u201cStepfamilies are complicated families with a history of loss. And loss can bring with it feelings like fear, sadness, anger, resentment, and disappointment, to name just a few. People in a stepfamily often come to their new family feeling guarded, because no one wants to have any of those other feelings again.\u201d Acknowledging these feelings will help support everyone as they move through them. Adults may want to have conversations about their new roles in their families. Clarifying conversations can help prevent miscommunication conflicts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Normalize Conflict<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Disagreements do not have to be negative! Planning for and expecting different ideas can help everyone stay calmer. Perhaps your family wants to create a predictable \u201cfamily meeting\u201d schedule to give time for everyone to check in with each other. Connection times like these offer opportunities to build strong communication skills and resilience. Your family will have valuable practice choosing their responses and maintaining respect. These essential life skills might include problem-solving and compassionate compromise. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.stepfamilies.info\/assets\/uploads\/2019\/10\/QS_Healthy_Communication_in_Stepfamilies_D.pdf\">The National Stepfamily Resource Center<\/a> reminds us that children will watch and listen to how adults relate to their former partners (if they have them). Working toward kind communication, even when disagreeing, will be a valuable learning tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Go Slow<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Building relationships takes time. People may feel cautious about letting themselves trust because they have seen relationships end previously. Alison O\u2019Mahony suggests finding <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=GnkxZT1NTUc\">common interests and bonding through shared activities<\/a>. Continue to be curious about each other\u2019s lives and keep your long-term goal of constructing a loving family in mind. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=XmPKDTZ2cy8\">James Bray shares<\/a> that the first year of a new marriage is often the most challenging. Knowing this may help you hold on to the perspective that staying patient and working toward your vision for your family may be realized in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I continuously remind myself, we can only control what we can control. We cannot control how the people in our lives behave; we can only control our responses. Hold firm to the love that created your family, especially when times are trying. Influence your home with your calm, steady presence, and enjoy the moments that glimmer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bestepwise.co.uk\">Be StepWise<\/a> (site) (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCxkCLGSv4FzF8uT3zJJIrVA\">YouTube<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/fyi.extension.wisc.edu\/eparenting\/category\/coparenting\/\">Co-Parenting<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=GnkxZT1NTUc\">How to Thrive As a Stepfamily<\/a> (YouTube)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.stepfamilies.info\">National Stepfamily Resource Center<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/queer-stepfamilies-the-path-to-social-and-legal-recognition-katie-l-acosta\/15492287?ean=9781479800988\"><em>Queer Stepfamilies<\/em><\/a> by Katie L. Acosta<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/the-stepfamily-handbook-from-dating-to-getting-serious-to-forming-a-blended-family-karen-bonnell\/9952564?ean=9781720855200\"><em>The Stepfamily Handbook<\/em><\/a> by Patricia Papernow and Karen Bonnell<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Learn more about the&nbsp;<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.health.oregonstate.edu\/opec\"><em>Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative<\/em><\/a><em>&nbsp;and read&nbsp;<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/\"><em>our blog<\/em><\/a><em>!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Megan McQueen A six-year-old I know defines family as \u201ca group of people who love each other.\u201d This simple and inclusive definition encompasses biological, adoptive, queer, \u201cchosen,\u201d stepfamilies, blended families, and more. Intentionally considering your family\u2019s unique members and origins can help you be thoughtful of the gentle steps you can take to build [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12148,"featured_media":280,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"templates\/template-full-width.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[91,92],"class_list":["post-279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-english","tag-family","tag-stepparent"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Thriving Stepfamilies - Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A six-year-old I know defines family as \u201ca group of people who love each other.\u201d This simple and inclusive definition encompasses biological, adoptive, queer, \u201cchosen,\u201d stepfamilies, blended families, and more.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/thriving-stepfamilies\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Thriving Stepfamilies - 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