{"id":270,"date":"2023-05-19T23:52:47","date_gmt":"2023-05-19T23:52:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/?p=270"},"modified":"2024-12-09T22:40:18","modified_gmt":"2024-12-09T22:40:18","slug":"for-parenting-educators-fathering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.oregonstate.edu\/opec\/for-parenting-educators-fathering\/","title":{"rendered":"For Parenting Educators: Fathering"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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espa\u00f1ol<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

By Megan McQueen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parenting educators, we have a gender problem. We didn\u2019t create this problem, but we can help shift our classes and materials to become more inclusive. We need to include fathers in our parenting mindsets. I usually see mothers carrying the heavy load of caregiving work, research, and education in my social circles. I asked myself, my friends, and our partners why we thought these patterns existed and why we perpetuated them. The answers I received were thoughtful, disappointing, and humbling. We must do a better job engaging fathers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please note: I use the gendered term father here, for lack of a better term. In this post, I am thinking about men who parent, but also other genders of caregivers that don\u2019t identify with the term mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adapt Parenting Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Professor of applied psychology, Catherine Tamis-LeMonda, Ph.D., says<\/a>, \u201cWe tend to have a narrative that raising a child is a mom\u2019s domain, and moms do it better than dads\u2026Not only are men\u2019s views of themselves as potential nurturers blocked by cultural constructs, they\u2019re also blocked by internalized ideas of masculinity.\u201d Let\u2019s help our families see themselves reflected in family life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have a world of \u201cmommy-and-me\u201d classes in which fathers may feel that they are outsiders. Flip the description to \u201cbaby-and-me\u201d or \u201ctoddler-and-me,\u201d and automatically, other caregivers feel welcome. By doing this, we also focus on the children in these gatherings. We can disrupt a gendered narrative of parenting by making these subtle changes. We share nurturing role models of all genders with our classes so that everyone feels reflected, and we expand all our patterned thinking about parenting. We can connect our courses to a fun event for children. When the kids want to attend, it might be easier for the parent to say \u201cyes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Include Fathers in Community Building<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Look for ways to mix your gatherings, so everyone feels included. Fathers can connect instead of sitting on the edges. We can plan ways to relate as class begins, which gets people talking with each other. We might plan a seating arrangement so everyone feels they belong instead of people left wondering who to sit near. Addressing and discussing emotions during class can help break down societal barriers that men shouldn\u2019t talk about their feelings. Our classes can be safe places for all caregivers to process their emotions. You may also consider adding an informal \u201cdad support group\u201d to help the fathers feel connected to each other. Help dads create peer networks or mentor\/mentee programs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Help Dads Feel Valued<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Popular media often devalues fathers, showing dads as incompetent. Be sure to interrupt stereotypical language if you hear it. Dads are not babysitters. Evolutionary anthropologist Anna Machin<\/a> writes that \u201c\u200b\u200bdads are the parents of resilience, perfectly placed to teach their children all about challenge, risk and failure and this means that dads can have a direct, positive impact upon the quality of their child\u2019s mental health.<\/a>\u201d Let\u2019s support families stepping out of gender roles and creating systems that work best for their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Become Aware of Barriers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jordan Shapiro, Ph.D., writes that we need<\/a> \u201cto identify, interrogate, and then reframe problematic and unjust narratives\u201d to help us build a more equitable society. Sometimes simple barriers such as limited transportation and childcare can prevent caregivers from attending parenting classes. How can we anticipate these needs and provide solutions? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many dads feel pressure to provide financially for their families. Access to job training, GED, and higher education information can be helpful. We can be creative about the locations of our classes. Are they on a main bus line? Or bikeable? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We must also examine possible biases in ourselves and our programs against caregivers who are not mothers and embrace intersectional identities. Many caregivers feel unwelcome if they do not fit into a white, middle-class, female, able-bodied, suburban stereotype. How can we undo these mindsets in ourselves and our communities? How can we ensure our classes and materials honor and value multiple identities? Consider ways to invite all genders to apply for work as your colleagues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These suggestions are not enough to dismantle societal barriers, but they can help. We can and should change what we have control and influence over. We can advocate for family-friendly policies in our communities, reduce mothers\u2019 burdens, and remove barriers for other caregivers to benefit children and society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Books and Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Being Invisible<\/em><\/a> by Kenny Harry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Company of Dads<\/a> podcast<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Father Figure<\/em><\/a> by Jordan Shapiro<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fatherhood by Papa B<\/em><\/a> by Bode Aboderin<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wisconsin Fatherhood Needs Assessment<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn more about the <\/em>Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative<\/em><\/a> and read <\/em>our blog<\/em><\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Megan McQueen Parenting educators, we have a gender problem. We didn\u2019t create this problem, but we can help shift our classes and materials to become more inclusive. We need to include fathers in our parenting mindsets. I usually see mothers carrying the heavy load of caregiving work, research, and education in my social circles. 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