I have been looking forward to these moments for over two years. I’ve spent so many late nights sitting at my desk, with VSCode open in front of me, while everyone else in my house was already in bed. When things would get frustrating, I’d close my eyes, and envision the future I would have once I had finished this degree. That was what got me through – thinking about the van I’d buy, how I’d store my bike under the bed and whether or not I’d be able to fit a second monitor inside at my mobile workstation. I’d dream of how I’d be able to wake up at sunrise, go on a run in a new-to-me forest, maybe somewhere in Idaho or northern Utah, then come back to the van for my 9:00 morning stand-up. I’d keep the van door open and be able to feel the summer air while I worked my remote job. And at 4:00, I’d close my laptop, and either go on a hike, or drive somewhere new. And I’d do it all again the next day.

I’ve been thinking about that for over two years. And now it’s here. And now, I have to go live the life I’ve always dreamed of.

That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself – to tell yourself to go “live the perfect life”. Because what happens when things aren’t perfect? Do you wonder if all your work was for nothing? Do you wonder if this dream of yours was a sham? Fortunately, I have some experience with feeling that pressure. I think I put that same pressure on myself when I finished my first degree and moved from Ohio to Seattle. I thought I’d be living the life I always dreamed of. I tried so hard to make every moment feel “perfect”. But they never did. And I think it’s because I spent so much time worrying about what I could be doing to make everything around me perfect. And I thought that once everything around me was perfect, I’d be happy. But by thinking like that, I didn’t give myself any time to breathe, any time to just take life in. And I’ve learned that it’s in those moments – when I’m just taking it all in – that I can feel true happiness.

So yeah, I’ve learned a few things about how to have a mindset that lends itself to happiness. And in the past two years, I’ve learned to not take those slow moments of simply breathing for granted. I’ve learned that I don’t need a bunch of perfect conditions to be happy, I really just need a few moments in the sun and time with my partner. And so even though I’ll have “the life I’ve always dreamed of” in just a few weeks – I’m not going to feel crushed if it’s not immediately perfect. Because this time around, I know that 1) things can take time to fall into place, and 2) at the end of the day, I already have everything I need. I’ll still go buy that van and drive it all over, heck, I might even ship it to New Zealand someday, but I won’t take those slow moments of just breathing for granted.