This post will start out a bit more downtrodden as a means of expressing why the ending is such a very bright note.

Starting this program as a career changer, as most post-bacc students are, I had extremely modest expectations. Get a job in tech, hopefully as a lateral or small paycut.

I did well in my classes. I didn’t have much of the knowledge my peers did, as it seemed many just knew a lot about whatever we were studying. Some peers already had been working in the industry as software engineers. I definitely didn’t have that, I was bran new — BUT I did the work. I put in the time, and I did well in classes, albeit sometimes being lost with new concepts.

I stumbled upon some students who knew an extremely valuable pool of information: what employers look for, the student employment landscape, how to pass interviews, what employer interview rubrics look like. This felt like the jackpot — this was the information that I had no access to as a newcomer, that I didn’t even know I needed. I was so focused on just doing the best job possible in school that it had not occurred to me there are other equally important skills to learn when the rubber hits the road on the journey to employment.

I changed my entire schedule to account for doubling down on data structures and algorithms over a summer. I did 30 mock interviews over a summer working on my communication skills. I completed a project that stretched me outside my comfort level. Then the unthinkable happened, I got four offers for internships (FOUR!) I couldn’t believe it. What’s more, two of those were Google and Meta (formerly Facebook), which I never even considered as being a possibility.

Fast forward: Google internship goes great, I survive and I’ve learned so much.

Fast forward: Meta internship goes great, I survive and I’ve learned so much.

It is now September, I’ve enrolled in my last quarter at OSU, and all of a sudden everything I’d built up vanished in a puff of smoke. Concerns about the economic state pervade the market. More headlines come out about recession concerns. New grad job applications seem much more sparse. Callbacks from job applications become much more rare for myself and my peers. To add insult to injury, I (literally) injure my leg playing tennis in a way that makes me immobile and unable to walk for months.

Within a period of a month, I have gone from “the guy that has (tried) to sacrifice for all the right moves” to “the guy who can’t walk, stuck in the house, throwing hundreds of job applications into the void, while his internships either confirm they won’t be taking anyone on (Meta) or struggle with headcount hiring freezes (Google)”. In my wildest dreams, I never thought having this kind of resume could yield so little interest from the marketplace.

My mental health suffered a lot, and my inner voice lost its fire. Too many L’s in a row, with nothing on the horizon. The longest 60 days of my life have probably been these past two months, where it has felt difficult to simply put one foot in front of the other. I never stopped applying, I never stopped trying to improve my situation, but nothing (and I mean nothing) seemed to gain traction. It was unbelievable. I don’t want to seem indignant, I was NOT being picky with where I applied. I applied to so many types of jobs, anything and everything: high pay, low pay, unknown pay. LinkedIn, Indeed, Handshake, Ripplematch. Local, remote, across the country.

Meanwhile, asked my internship recruiters at Google and Meta for any updates, and each time it was simply more delays. Meta (as we now know) was in rough shape. They eventually rejected me (though now I see it isn’t because I wasn’t good enough, it was because their ship, at least for now, was sinking).

“We don’t have any new information, we are waiting for headcount calculations to complete”

“We are expecting more information in October”

“We are expecting more information in November”

“We are expecting more information in…”

Everything was either unknown or silence. Complete and deafening silence.

Then yesterday, the unthinkable happened. I finally got that email. Not only did I gain some traction, but the method in which it occurred was unbelievable.

My resume had been hand-selected by Google leadership in some special process for top candidates (since when was I a top candidate? I can’t even get an interview) — and immediately assigned a team based on my feedback, experience, and skillset. I meet the manager today at 4pm. WHAT? I cried. I literally cried right there. I had lost my belief in my own value so much that I was shocked anyone else would either. All of yesterday’s hard work, and today’s (insufferable) patience led to something.

I had finally been seen after what felt like one of the darker periods in my life fighting forward with no light at the end of the tunnel. Then an hour later, I got another email from another employer initiating a new interview process. When it rains it pours, as they say.

This new graduate hiring season has been absolutely brutal for my mental health. If I could go back in time and look at myself in the face, I would grab my own shoulders and say “you don’t know when, you don’t know how, but you will get through this. You want to seek the comforts of giving up, and I’m telling you now that is a lie you tell yourself to make things easy. I encourage you to avoid the comforts of the easy way out and instead seek the path of highest resistance. Embrace the difficulty with completely blind confidence that you will find something. Every challenge is a phase and this too, shall pass. Act today in a way that, when you look back, you can be proud of your effort.”

Sometimes that effort was a long laundry list of tasks. Sometimes it was just trying to accomplish the bare minimum, like getting out of bed and showering. Every day is different.

I walk away with a tremendous set of new learnings and reminders:

1. In my convalescence from my (temporary) disability I gained an extreme appreciation for those with more permanent disabilities. It was incredibly rare someone would hold a door for me when using a wheelchair or crutches, and when they did, it really did make a difference in my day. Open the door for someone who needs it.
2. Graduating in a bad economy is brutal. Everywhere you look there are layoffs. Some people post such ugly things in a crisis, about how those who suffered a difficult period “should have known better”. Trust me, I told myself that many times, it didn’t help at all. What did make a difference? Kindness and empathy. What you have others may not, and a small gesture can make a big difference in someone’s day. Similarly? Don’t give your attention to those who don’t deserve it. We can only be offended by those who we willingly give our agency to. Don’t give people your power. It is yours. Don’t give it away for free.
3. Nobody owes you anything. My greatest ace in the hole will never be my resume — it will always be me. Invest in yourself, keep learning, stay curious, and accept yourself for who you are, the real you. Sometimes you can’t move forward by the help of others and you have to reconcile your concerns and weaknesses and imperfections and just try to craft a better version of yourself. When you experience your greatest successes, don’t forget to be humble. Be proud, but know we are all just one or two events away from grasping at straws. Look to your fellow colleague struggling with empathy, not disdain. That could be you.
4. Never, ever, ever give up. When things get real bad, all your inner demons will come out in the form of your inner voice and test you. In a normal frame of mind you would ignore them. When things are bleak, your willpower to resist may erode, and you may find yourself listening to that nonsense more. “Maybe I was never good enough for this” — “This was a huge mistake” — “Why did I think I could punch so high” — “I’ll never find a way”. And it would be nice to throw platitudes at those problems to solve them, but that doesn’t work. The only thing (for me) that worked, was taking one microscopic step forward at a time. Sometimes I was lucky to complete one thing in a day, and I didn’t want to do it. I sat for 10, 20, 30 minutes looking at my screen. I did it anyway. Some days I didn’t. I’m embarrassed to say it, but it was real. Ultimately how you keep fighting is by holding onto a belief that it can be done. That there is a way out, even if you don’t see it in the moment. If you want to walk a mile, and all you can muster is one step. Then take that (one) step. It won’t get you to a mile right away, but believe that somehow that will lead into the mile with enough time and effort.
5. You are valuable. Just, full stop. You. Are. Valuable. Even when you feel as though you have nothing to offer, you are valuable. You are enough. Keep going.

I’m excited where things go from here. Undoubtedly, there will be greater challenges at some point, greater than I have seen before. But likewise, there will also be greater joy, accomplishment, and wonderful moments, of greater magnitude than I have ever experienced. All I know is that when I have a purpose, and I put in the work, I feel at my best. Figuratively, when there is a connection between pushing the gas pedal and the wheels moving, that’s simply the best feeling ever. And in the absence of that, in the words of Mr. Rogers, look for the helpers. And join them.