When I started this blog, I felt like I had something important to say about life. I was finally old enough to contribute to the boundless world of thoughts, opinions, and infinite information that the internet might offer to other people in search of answers about their careers, school, parenting, and life in general. I wrote my first post confidently, and then it came time to write my second post, and the inspiration obviously lacked. I said, “I am going to keep up with this!” – and then obviously didn’t.
This is life in the truest word of the sense. We commit to these ideas and expectations of ourselves and then feel we let down the people around us. I got anxious thinking, “No one cares, but everyone will care if they decide to take notice.” So, I clammed up, wrote a fluff post that I don’t even remember the contents of, and then promptly stopped writing altogether because of fear from an invisible expectation I had placed on myself.
Since those posts, life took off and I refocused on surviving and managing the millions of things that come up in day-to-day life, all while writing this was in the back of my mind. This may be just a shout into the void, but I believe it represents how easy it is to get wrapped up in ideas and expectations, especially the invisible ones we place on ourselves. For all the goals I have accomplished, there exist five hundred voices in the back of my mind coming up with alternatives in case things didn’t work out, telling me to abandon pursuits, thinking of all the ways things could turn out, and how things have gone wrong before. Sometimes the voices win, and in truth, there is no telling how to get it to stop, instead it’s about focusing and moving forward.
One thing this blog has given me the opportunity to do is think about structure. I quit writing because I felt I did not have a strong structure, and looking back, that has driven most of the decisions I’ve made in my life. Every choice has been calculated for the optimal return of structure and stability for myself and now my children. As a teenager, I didn’t have a way to voice the “why” behind the decisions I was making, just the strong desire that they needed to be made. What it did, without my realizing, was set the foundation for personal growth that led to learning the importance of roots and stability. I returned to my roots, Missouri, and got to work on my education in a stable field and continue to build on it.
Getting here was not entirely easy, it took a lot of doing things I’ve never done before, but the reward has been worth the risk. I’ve now found a great community within school, a great team to work with, kids that I am entirely too proud of, unending support, and opportunities I never could have dreamed of. This journey has also led me to find new ways to apply the skills I’ve worked so hard to develop.
Throughout this term, my team and I have been working diligently to design a captivating game for our capstone project. Meeting, brainstorming, discussing, and designing to develop a museum themed escape room experience. My emphasis on strong foundation has opened the floor for deep discussion and I am excited to work on this project with them. While developing the physical game itself has not started, I believe the design plans we have made will allow for smooth, detailed development and I am excited to share it with my colleagues and community. As the term progresses, we will be finishing design decisions and begin development, where there may be opportunities for supporters to test the game and provide feedback.
This has been the largest project I’ve ever taken on, but through consistent goal setting and collaboration, we’ve continued to learn the best approaches to developing an enjoyable experience for others. Teamwork has been essential in this endeavor, and I am thankful to have a team who is willing to listen and support one another as we work. We understand that each person has strengths to bring to the table that we can build on to become an effective team, which can be a rare find.
Pursuing goals can be challenging, but understanding the deeper meaning of what those goals mean to you can provide an untapped motivation for accomplishing them. There will be failures and setbacks, but there will also be successes. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. You must be a beginner to become an expert, which is why it is so important to have clear goals, a defined purpose, and a solid support network. These things have given me a newfound confidence that has reignited my inspiration, allowing me to write more meaningful posts and that reflect who I am, instead of dwindling on who I think people want me to be.
