I have begun to realize these past few years that I can be kind of quick to write people off or perhaps be a little too blunt with my words especially when people annoy me. I’m actually a nice person, but some people are just too much. Anyways, this is about soft skills, and the soft skill I have been trying to work on is being more friendly in my body language and just language itself.
One of the ways you can probably guess from above is that I will try to smile more. It’s not just about smiling, but it’s about controlling what my face is saying because when I find someone annoying, I tend to show it on my face. I am not a good liar, so this is basically me trying to practice being better at lying. Smiling brings good feelings and is often associated with positive emotions when other people see it. Think about dogs, they are almost always smiling and so they make people feel good.
Another thing I am practicing is giving criticisms in a more diplomatic way. I try to listen to what someone is saying and then my response is a compliment sandwich. So, I say something positive, then say something maybe a bit more negative, then I throw in another positive. This also works well when you are teaching someone and you have criticism. Say you’re teaching someone to drive, you can say, hey your turning really well, sometimes you drive too fast so watch the speed limit more, but overall, you’re turning and paying attention to your environment like a pro. Better than just saying the negative right? Some people don’t like it, but I think it works much better than a lot of other methods.
Lastly, I am trying to get better at small talk. I absolutely hate small talk, but it is sort of like a lubricant for conversation and it can lead to more conversation. Even when you are entirely uninterested, you have to talk and not give blunt answers. The way to get this to work well is to ask open-ended questions. If someone tells you about the weather you can ask what they normally do when it’s this type of weather. They will usually tell you an activity they do and you can further prod about that. What do you like about this activity? How did you get started? Is it difficult to do? There are all sorts of open-ended questions, you just have to get good at these and then throw in relevant experiences if you have them. You can also do this backwards and tell them what you like to do and then ask them. Using “why?” is very good for open-endedness. Don’t ask “yes” or “no” questions.
Now for me, in practice, this can sometimes be difficult when I am not in the mood to talk or am just busy, but when I can, I do like to make an effort in improving my smooth conversation skills and smiling and being more friendly. Doing this can lead to more interesting conversations, better opportunities, and more friends, even if you don’t want them.
Leave a Reply