Hello, everyone!
It’s hard to believe it’s already been three weeks. I’m amazed I’ve made it this far in one piece. School isn’t something that’s necessarily come easy to me throughout my life. I’d like to think I’m a (relatively) smart person, and I certainly try hard, but like everyone I have my own limitations. We are all presented with challenges in life, and it’s all part of the human experience to overcome them. I am definitely no exception.
When it comes to school, I got delayed a couple years. I partly blame it on being a pig on the Chinese zodiac, as we’re known to be late bloomers, but it’s probably mostly due to anxiety (but that just doesn’t sound as nice). The thing is, I’m painfully shy. Like, have-my-mom-make-my-doctor’s-appointments shy. Because of this, and a few other setbacks, I never thought I’d be able to make it in college. Or a career. Or even life at some points.
But, my passion for animals has helped me to overcome that. I knew in my heart my life’s purpose was to help wild animals, and I couldn’t do that without a degree. That was the push I needed. So, I spent a few months researching schools and reviewing my options, and I came across OSU. I was instantly impressed by the Fisheries and Wildlife program, and really liked the idea of distance learning. I wasn’t sure I have the discipline for it (I don’t), but I decided to apply. And here I am.
Something that’s come as a huge surprise to me these first couple of weeks, is that I can do this. I learn differently, but I can learn. I can succeed.
A few weeks before school started, I had an absolute meltdown. I was constantly panicking, wondering if I’d made the wrong choice. I wasn’t sure I could do this. Would the work be too much? Would online school be too isolating? What if I needed help? Would I be able to utilize all the resources? Am I smart enough?
But I’m here, and I’m not only alright, but I already feel like I’m thriving here.
Despite being anxious and overly critical, I do have strengths, even if it’s hard to remember that sometimes.
One of my strengths is the amount of passion I have. I have such a drive to succeed, and such a desire to do what I love, that I can overcome all of my weaknesses.
As far as weaknesses go, I’m very disorganized, I have an awful memory, very little discipline, and I just seem to process information differently than others. Back in school, I was awful at math. Painfully awful. I had teachers who passed me because they knew how hard I tried and felt bad (yes, they really told me that). But, I had one teacher, Mr. Hawkins, who spent a lot of time working with me individually. He showed me how to do each problem a million ways. And while it usually took me a week or two to grasp, I always got it. Strangely enough, I’d always have an easier time understanding the longer/more tedious equations than the shortcut versions he taught everyone else. What that taught me is if I don’t “get” something the first time, there is always an alternate way. There are so many ways to learn.
I’ve used that lesson to help me here at OSU. When I do my work, I always do it on the couch because I feel trapped at a desk. It greatly increases my productivity by reducing the time I spend fidgeting and wishing I was anywhere (literally anywhere) but sitting at a desk for hours. Another thing I do is when I’m doing a reading, I always read it once slowly, taking my time, then again to take notes. Not only to I better absorb the information, but I don’t waste time or paper on things that aren’t key facts because I’ve already finished and understood the reading as a whole, so I know what matters.
What I’m saying is I can adapt to anything, which is a quality I’m very lucky to have, and didn’t even know I had outside of sophomore year geometry. It was a big shock when the first time I felt discouraged when attempting an assignment, that I was able to identify a different way to look at it, think about it, and complete it.
Essentially, the biggest surprise I’ve learned at OSU so far is also my biggest strength: I’m capable. Despite my setbacks, struggles, illnesses, and whatnot, I’m so capable. I have some days where I feel less so than others, but I know that I can do this, and I’m where I’m meant to be.
When I first learned that you took couple years off of school too, you made me feel like I wasn’t alone and knowing that someone else was with me along those lines gave me a huge sense of comfort going into this term! I’m so glad you were able to fight through your anxiety and make the first step towards bettering your future with a degree in Fisheries and Wildlife and it sounds like you really started acknowledging that are more than capable of handling whatever this journey throws at you. I do understand how hard anxiety can be. When it feels like your mind is running in 10 different directions with a bad ending waiting at each turn, all you want to do is just want to lay down and hide until that gray dense cloud floats away and you can take control of your mind again. Overcoming that and forcing yourself to continue on with the flow of life and enroll in college is a major step that you should be extremely proud of. I know that you’ll continue doing great not only this term, but in the years to come as you pursue your degree! (I love your cat!)
It also makes me feel better to know someone else is in the same situation (and understands anxiety). I sometimes feel that there is some sort of stigma when it comes to taking time off, but we all learn and grow at our own pace, and it’s important to remember that it’s the outcome that matters-not the path it took to get there. Thanks for your response! I hope that you’re enjoying online learning at OSU as much as I am.
As for my cat, thank you! She’s the best.
I can relate to so much of your post. When I was a kid I wanted to be friends with everyone, and I made that happen. In high school I became so shy and really struggled in school, while my brother got 4.0s and was “popular”. I laughed at what you said about your mom making your doctor appointments because that is me in a nutshell. I’m the type of person to know I need to make a phone call, and sit there and rehearse what I’m going to say so I don’t sound so nervous. I LOVE that you want to work with animals and that they help motivate you daily. Your cat is precious, I absolutely love cats. When you were writing about your weakness I was thinking to myself, “it’s so important that she understands areas of struggle” because I have a lot of friends who lack certain things like discipline and they don’t realize it and it makes them struggle even more. Being an online student you will get many opportunities to turn weakness into strength, I try and remind myself of this whenever things get out-of-hand and it seems to help me. I really enjoyed your post!
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply! It’s comforting knowing there are other people who understand these things about myself, such as having trouble making phone calls.
What weaknesses have you been able to turn into strengths so far during your online learning journey? Or, what weaknesses do you anticipate becoming strengths?