Anger…stress…and the break downPosted March 4th, 2010 by bergstar
February was ridiculously stressful for me. It feels like everything has sort of come together and blown up. Every couple of days some rather stressful event kept happening. Let me give you a list…actually let me not. I really wouldn’t like to share THAT list. Suffice it to say when I listed them out I found nine different items. Only four on that list were personal choices I had made. The other five all occurred without my control. Not bad in the long run. Means that I only created half of the stress in my life last month. Other than that, I tried my best. I’ve taken steps to help avoid future occurrences of the problems I didn’t have control over. For example, one of my personal bad habits is forgetting to pay parking tickets and library fees. They always go to the bottom of my pile of things to do. That’s why I don’t own a car and why I buy most of my books. My boyfriend has been rather ‘helpful’ this past month and let me borrow his because I was always rushing to work in the morning. Now, because of some parking tickets (which I finally got around to paying), I have decided to go back to biking/riding the bus to work. I get a chance to hang out with some friends on the ride to work, and a chance to buy my coffee before I hit the office. It’s been a good change. I didn’t like driving to work anyways.
So what happens when you’re stressed? I tend to get really angry. But because I was raised to feel that anger is a bad thing I learned to subconsciously turn it into sadness and cry it out. I don’t like that part of myself. What have I learned through all of this February madness? That it’s okay that I’m angry. I am working towards expressing my anger. I have started talking about it. I will no longer say I’m frustrated, but say I’m angry. What is frustrated anyways? A socially acceptable way of saying your really freaking PO’ed.
You know what? It’s okay that I’m angry. Now I just have to let that anger find something useful to do.