Box of Rain- Grateful DeadPosted January 31st, 2010 by Nathan Bodie
So, I forgot to blog for a while there. Bringing up my grand total of blogs to…..two. It’s OK, I’m still at peace with myself.
Speaking of which, I came into Portland this weekend to spend some time at my parent’s house. As I sit on one of my favorite couches typing this, I consider what it means to be independent. I recognize that the majority of power-up challengers are far beyond this point in their lives, already having achieved self-dependency, but my struggle to rely on myself is a key component of my life right now. It affects everything I do, and I find that I am constantly oriented towards safe-gaurding my future. And, while this is perhaps normal for everybody, I feel that the particular extent to which I prepare is reflective of a pervasive instability that is in my life right now.
So I’m sitting on this lovely couch, looking at my adorable yellow lab, and feeling a sense of nostalgia for the times of old. I miss the certainty of childhood. No worries of bills or taxes, no budrendsome recognition that every single material I depend on daily has a dollar sign attached to it. It was glorious. And now, I don’t really have that. It’s not to say I’m not blessed with parental support- they have been so gracious as to pay my way entirely through under-grad. No, its more of a matter of being up in the air- and many times it makes me uncomfortable. With my family, my girlfriend, and my friends, I am perfectly content to stop experiencing the world and simply encounter things as they come. But with everything else, I need two feet on the ground. I need routine and plan. As of yet, I still dont have a job at Corvallis. I still haven’t found a regular source of community service to which I contribute. The list goes on.
I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m really grateful for this opportunity, because while I sometimes do feel disconcerted with quickly approaching adulthood, I feel that Power Up is helping to establish the kind of habits that will ground me in a beneficial rounine. I’m fairly certain I want to go into psychology- and I intend to go the distance. My path to a PhD might take me a while, and I am grateful for that: I have the rest of my life to be settled down. But until then, I understand how important it is to participate in activities conducive of a healthy life style. Mentally healthy, emotionally healthy, and physically healthy. From camping every couple of weekends, to watching my calories, to exercising every day, to exploring my local area even on the gloomiest of afternoons will help me to be happy and to be my own individual And I’m not sure I would be doing these things to the extent that I soon will be without Power Up.
Those dollar signs don’t go away. There is always something newer, brighter, more necessary to purchase or obtain: an infinity of obstacles. I could spend my time trying to prepare for them all, but I feel that Power Up is helping me to ignore them for a little bit and live in a lovely present. I cannot elequently describe how warm that thought makes me. Kind of like, going to Chucky Cheese when I was eight years old…